Squeezed Dry in Belize or, How I Lost All My Money (And Then Some) On A Tropical Island Paradise

So my last post was back in Guatemala, and a lot has happened since then but I´ve been Internet-less, except for essential Internet use, because I lost all of my money (and then some.)

Basically what happened is this: Remember my bitching that a money transfer was `taking too long` to go through? Well that was for a very large transfer from the account where I NEEDED the money to where I already had LOTS of money. Therefore, the transfer went through and I was in the red in my main account by over a hundred dollars. To make matters worse, there were pending ATM withdrawals that only processed after I was in the red, leading to piles and piles of overdraft fees and ATM fees totaling in the HUNDREDS of dollars.

In other words, I lost hundreds of dollars and was sent tumbling down a financial hole of death, and the only thing that saved me were two loving parents with enough time and money to save their retarded son. They were pretty furious with me, but doubtless not as furious as I was with myself--I´ve never made such an unnecessary, stupid, careless, and DESTRUCTIVE mistake in my entire life. I could have completely screwed myself over, but thanks to my parents (and Hannah for lending me money in the interim,) I was saved from the dumbest mistake I´ve ever made. I now owe my parents hundreds of dollars more than I`d originally budgeted for the entire trip. I was feeling very sorry for myself, but as the old cliche goes, there´s always someone who´s got it worse than you...


Enter Dennis Larsen. We met Dennis at the bus station right after crossing the border from Belize back into Mexico. He `s a 60-year old former Army Ranger and Green Beret with a white moustache, pot belly, kind eyes, and gentle smile. He was in Mexico trying to get to Belize to find his son, who had been missing there for 3 months. Dennis presumes that his son is dead, but the matter is complicated by the fact that his son is an FBI field agent, and is often going on mysterious international trips. Dennis is sure he`s not on a mission, however, because he always calls and lets him know just in case, even if the FBI office won´t say (and they ussually don`t). Dennis has a feeling there`s foul play involved, and if he finds those responsible, he has pledged to kill them with his own two hands...and those hands are trained to kill.

`They won`t even see me coming,` he said.

Green Berets are easily some of the most badass human beings on the planet earth. Granted its been a few years since his army days, but Dennis has the passion of a greiving heart.

Dennis´ troubles don`t stop there, however. His passport and bank card were stolen by a trio of clever theives, so he`s been forced to delay his mission to find his son and shack up with friends in Mexico for a couple weeks until he gets another passport and some money wired in from his daughter. Dennis is divorced, and two years ago lost his entire life savings, or most of it--something to the tune of half a million dollars--in hospital bills after taking a 60-foot freefall off a ladder during a construction job. The only thing that saved his life was a pile of soft construction sand he landed in, but the Doc said he´d never walk again and put in 7 metal pins to hold his bones together. Well, Dennis is walking--the man is a former Green Beret, for christ`s sake--but he is divorced, alone, broke, and on a (probably futile) mission to avenge his FBI operative son`s likely death. Even at home in Florida he has to live on $1300 dollars a month. In Mexico you could make that happen for sure, but in the States? I don`t know how he does it.

Dennis Larsen taught me to stop feeling sorry for myself.

Anyway, Belize is goddamn beautiful and not nearly as pricey as we`d feared, at least not in the off-season. We spent a day in San Ignacio, which is nice enough, and a few days in Caya Caulker, a Belizean island paradise. The island itself is tiny, and full of colorful characters, like The Coconut Man--a coconut/drug dealer who tries to sell you drugs when you tell him you aren`t interested in his coconuts. We went snorkeling with sting rays bigger than my body, and snorkeling over the barrier reef seeing at all the fish through the perfect turquoise carribbean was absolutely beautiful. I only wish we could´ve afforded scuba diving, but maybe next time.

Anyway, we are in Merida, Mexico now, staying with this dude Daniel, and will end at Playa del Carmen, where we can hop over to Cancun quickly for our flights home.